Finding the Other Brooklyn Bridge

Riegelsville Bridge by Charles Roebling, Riegelsville, PA

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure. Helen Keller

Did you miss me? Sorry- it has actually been with no small amount of guilt that I recognize it has been ::whew:: two weeks since I last posted! I blame the summer- more to do outside and the development- or rather an evolution of my own personal life philosophy. Until recently I might have classified myself as being..outgoing- a risk taker. HA! There are no risks in the familiar territories I have always tread. And there is a great deal of difference between dipping one toe in a backyard pool and running buck-naked, yelling into the ocean in the darkness- in March. Ignoring the little voices in your head reminding you about the fate of the poor folks in "Jaws" or any other practical thoughts- or vividly imagined ones. These days I think the little naysayers need to be put firmly into their place.

To all my friends who always thought I was doing some pretty edgy living up 'til this point- don't be too concerned. Part of the epiphany is realizing that my judgement is pretty darned sound. Living this long, with a fairly facile mind and a well developed sense of personal preservation, I can't help but pick up the signals which say "Stop" and "Go". Fred and I were talking the other day- he said that as you get older, there are fewer choices in life. It is not that the realm of possibilities narrow, but that as you get older, you just KNOW what is right for you. The rest just falls away, the answer is there- the right answer, for you, and there is no choice.

Lately there has been scrutiny around any part of my life that might be examined from the outside. There have even been allegations of bad behavior. I guess if it pleases folks, look all you want- I know that if my life had any bits that needed hiding, I wouldn't publish it in a blog. And realizing that this daring adventure is all mine, anyone else's interpretation is strictly their own concern. The scrutiny may or may not continue, but as the saying goes, no matter how thin you slice it- it's still baloney, and as we know, baloney is mostly garbage. Try and serve it up as anything else and you get a big face-ful of your own bad karma.

If there is a message here- it's a letter to myself. That life is too short to be unhappy, or scared. That the past, no matter how I look at it, mine, or anyone elses', does not define who you or I am at that shiny new moment in time. Or predict how the future will go. So I will sit in a room with an 8' boa constrictor (in a cage, some things will take a bit more time) and try to see the world through her eyes. That I will ask myself am I afraid of getting hurt- or of being wrong. And if I get a little hurt or if I make a mistake- isn't it worth it to learn what lies on the other side?

Sitting on the back of Michael's bike the other day we were talking about life and about dying. "We are all going to die- life is too short to waste time" he said (this sort of comment should ideally not be delivered on a motorcycle driving sorta kinda close to the speed limit...) And I thought about it. If I had just a day more to live- would I want to live it afraid? Or sitting in the darkness of not knowing? Heck no. But while I check out the new roads- with your kind permission, I'll take you along for the ride.




:) X FYK