Office Christmas Party Etiquette

I have read the articles posted online about the do's and don'ts for the office Christmas party. Traditional wisdom summed up it says- DO go (because you HAVE to) but for the Love of your JOB do not have fun (if they catch you being yourself- your career is toast). All these ridiculously sensible rules make my heart yearn for a slightly less- sensible, wildly politically incorrect time. So- for your reading pleasure and mine, a memo (written in 1957 and edited somewhat by me for length and well- it's 2007- we actually HAVE come a long way, girl-wise) by Alan Sherman (yes, the guy who wrote the Camp Granada Song- Hello Muddah- Hello Fadduh) on conduct at the office Christmas Party:

Memo to: All Office Personnel
From: Alan Sherman
Subject: The 1957 Office Xmas Party

The office party as most of you know is set for next Tuesday, December 24th, at 12 noon.

Girls who have been present at previous Office Parties have been, I realize, looking forward to seeing me at this party next Tuesday.

Due to the unprecedented demand for my services this year, and the limitations imposed on me by nature and time-- I must set forth the following rules and regulations for conduct at the Office Party:

1. ALL OF THE GIRLS WISHING TO PECK ME POLITELY ON THE CHEEK, or pinch my cheek and say "isn't he a doll?" will kindly line up at the 29th floor water cooler. If time allows, I will appear there late in the party to accomodate one and all.

2. GIRLS WITH NO PREVIOUS SEXUAL EXPERIENCE, OR GIRLS SUFFERING from emotional trauma, will please report MONDAY night at 7:30 to my assistant, Mr. Chester Feldman, who will give you pre-party instructions, a chalk-talk, and a specially prepared pamphlet from the National Safety Council.

3. DOROTHY KRESSLER WILL REPORT DIRECTLY TO ME IMMEDIATELY UPON RECEIPT OF THIS MEMO What I have in mind is the same thing as last year but this year I'd like to get started a little earlier.

4. ALL GIRLS WILL TAKE WHATEVER SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS ARE INDICATED. DON'T DEPEND ON ME FOR PRECAUTIONS- YOU KNOW WHAT A MAD, IMPETUOUS FOOL I AM.

5. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO REPEAT MY UNFORTUNATE EXPERIENCE OF LAST YEAR'S CHRISTMAS PARTY. Most of you will remember my regrettable case of trench mouth which lasted well into February of this year. I'm not going to name any names- you know who you are.

6. DUE TO THE UNPRECEDENTED DEMAND priority will be given this Christmas to those who have done their part during the course of the regular year.

7. GIRLS--REMEMBER THE GOLDEN RULE. Be fair to the other girls. Do unto me only what you would let me do unto you. Take only what you need. Waste not, want not. Remember a man isn't made of wood, but he isn't made of iron either.

8. GIRLS WHO BRING UP THE SUBJECT OF OFFICE POLITICS at critical moments in the proceedings will be regarded as blase and tabled indefinitely.

9. TO THE NEW GIRLS WHO HAVE JOINED THE ORGANIZATION SINCE THE LAST CHRISTMAS PARTY. I must beg you to control yourself as much as you can. For heaven's sake maintain your dignity if it is at all possible. And in years to come, when you tell your friends about it--and I know you will--please be kind.

Thank you Alan...

I have my own set of Holiday Party rules.

I always say "Happy Hanukah" to everyone. I am Jewish- this is known as "representing".

I never pinch anyone's tushy. Not on purpose. And if someone pinches mine- I always say "thank you"

I eat dinner before I go. It's not the drinking I worry about- it's spilling hors d'oeuvres down the front of whatever I am wearing.

I don't drink alcohol- I can fall down without it- why bother with the calories?

I hug. A lot. It's a good time for it. And you can't BUY presents for everyone.

These are just MY rules As for you- please follow common sense- xeroxing your tushy as your holiday card or getting extremely busy in the stock room (that act is NOT also known as collating) is probably not a stellar career move.

Enjoy the party!

:)X