Craft it Forward

I picked this up on my friend Goat's Blog http://www.panthea-watchoutforpotholes.blogspot.com/ I am a crazy crafter (when inspired) and a pretty good baker so here goes...

{The Rules}
1. Be one of the first THREE bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me - something crafty or yummy, who knows?!

2. Winners must post this challenge on your blog, meaning that you will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift -anything!- for the first THREE bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!

3.The gift that you send to your 3 Friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought That Count!

4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing appropriate Linky Love! If you are not one of the Top Three Commenters on this post, you can still play along. Go ahead and start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same!SO, REMEMBER...Pay it forward!

The Trouble with Chocolate

I have a bone to pick with M&M/Mars. Two weeks ago I was seeking something...nice for VLH for Valentine's Day. I have a tendency to get crazy in the gift department and with the economy going the way it is I thought to stay..reasonable, for me.
Surely I could have baked something- a cake or pie- and I will make a card, as I love homemade Valentines and making them is actually more fun than shopping for them. But aside from the card- what? I saw the answer in of all places- Facebook. I clicked through a banner ad for M&M's.

M&M's will personalize a gift from you with photos. Smiling babes and smooching couples graced the front of the little candies. As I found out recently, H keeps a jar of these candies on his desk at work- I am certain for emergencies only- like Tuesdays. What a great, little, personal gift. The Mars company states on their site "tips" for personalizing your M&M's

MY M&M'S® Chocolate Candies deliver fun and a smile! So when designing your personalized MY M&M'S® experience, it is important to have fun. However, it must be tasteful and fun. And yes, we do have some rules that will help us deliver a product that we can all be proud of.

Do
Personalize
Use nice words
Be cheerful Have FUN
Be CREATIVE
Be romantic Use your own words
Share your beliefs
Be EXPRESSIVE

Don't
Please don't use objectionable words and phrases. No obscenities or inappropriate images. We don't want to leave a bad taste in anyone's mouth.

I had a nice picture. An ARTSY, romantic picture (seen above) and along with several ...words for the other 3 kinds of M&M's like...YOV, I made my choices and sent my order off to be processed. Friday night I got a call from the Mars Corporation.

"Miss Nerenberg? This is the M&M corporation. We are calling about your order. Let me tell you first that this call may be monitored for quality in service"

I knew something was up... no one ever records simple things like- "Did you mean "You" Instead of "YOV"?" (No, but this has been a problem before, thanks for asking...understandable..."

The modulated voice continued " We are not going to be able to print your order" she said pleasantly.

""Why?" I asked "Is there a production problem?"

"A-Hem" said the voice " Miss Nerenberg...the Mars Corporation is a FAMILY company."

It took me a minute.

"Ohhh. Is it because of the photo?" "Yes...she said...you know..." I was stunned "Lady" I sputtered" ...how do you think families get started in the first place?"

"Well," she replied huffily "- I'm not sure what you mean but...it's not something we can.." "HANG on a sec" I interrupted- "Would it help if I told you I swam in that outfit?" (I certainly had seen skimpier attire at the beach.) "Well...I don't know...she said.. I..um..." then she caught her breath "Well..It's not something you'd serve to children." She breathed a sigh of relief triumphantly feeling she had just protected American youth. "OK-I said, let's assume I am dating someone over 21 and ALSO assume that I am am also over that age myself as my credit card would surely indicate.."

"Miss Nerenberg"- she said rather coldly. "We can't print these for you- I'm sorry." "Well What am I supposed to DO?" I asked more to myself than to her. "Well do you have any photos with clothes on?" she asked cheerily. "Sure" I said- "but where's the fun in that?" I thanked her and got off the line.

I was crestfallen. I thought, as the instructions stated, that I was being creative and romantic. I certainly believe in beauty..and nice underwear. And, I believe DEEPLY that the only way to improve breasts in the eyes and hearts of males is to make them candy coated and cover them in chocolate. That and the "melts in your mouth" idea is a real winner...

Oh well. As Shakespeare said, probably having had similar problems getting theater owners to accept the steamy dialog in Romeo and Juliet (For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. ), to quote a Midsummer Night's Dream "The course of true love never did run smooth." I guess I'll just have to get some chocolate syrup and improvise-

Nothing says romance like Fox's U-Bet.

:P X

Six Little Words

Two people I love celebrated 49 years of marriage last weekend. For the people who love the celebrants, this is a bitch, specifically in the gift department. I like going by the anniversary chart which tells you what gift for which year- year one is paper, two cotton or wood, etc. By 49 even the list makers were at a loss- the gift suggestion- "something luxurious". Thanks (posi-frickin-tively USELESS).

We found a gift - a really lovely bottle of champagne which, in the manner of all Jewish parents was deemed "too nice to drink". Eventually I imagine it will be "too dusty to open" or "too sour for salad dressing". But smiles wreathed the celebratory dinner table and the gift performed its duty as a three-dimensional benchmark on the dining room credenza as a tribute to the miraculous triumph of love, and patience in living 49 years with the same person and the same foibles for ALMOST half a century.

It's almost Valentine's Day- one of my favorite holidays, along with Halloween. I am not sure why I latched onto these two. It's not the candy- I like candy alright but (and I almost lost a friend to this admission) I'm not much for chocolate- an occasional piece of dark does me fine. You see, most of my best memories of each holiday are pre- 20 years of age- though there have definitely been some winners post-20. I like black and orange but I LOVE the color red. Lots of people do- F.W. Woolworth based his whole retail decor on the observation that when he began his retail career as a humble street peddler, folks bought more when he displayed his wares on a red cloth. And even though I went to art school and have studied fashion and various aesthetic movements and pride myself on my relatively great sense of style- I must admit- and it pains me to do so- my heart beats just a teensy bit faster at the thought of receiving one of those HUGE heart-shaped boxes of chocolates with layer upon layer of satin ruffles and red velvet flocking with the words "I Love You" in gold letters on the front. I cannot explain this- I just told you- I probably wouldn't eat more than 1 or 2 chocolates (I only like the nuts covered in dark- this probably says reams about my inner mental workings but we will leave that for another day) and I have a teensy apartment and abhor clutter so I wouldn't keep the box- so ...why?

I don't know about anyone else but I think I personally formulated a large number of my most deeply held beliefs before I was 6. That getting dirty is much more fun than preserving your outfit every time. That saying I love you is worth 100 rejections the first time (and every time) someone says- "I love you back". That insults are the purest form of affection. And so on. So- somewhere in the nether reaches of my six year old brain it is written Chocolates on Valentine's Day mean I Love You and the gaudier and more calorie-laden the box- the deeper the love and esteem. At six that might have come out as "You REALLY LIKE me a lot... you must be a total dork" probably followed by a shoulder punch and a hail of thrown chocolate pieces (I will NOT eat the creams, caramels or cherries but aerodynamically speaking they fly like rocks with the distinctly un-rock-like advantage of smooshing when connecting with the target)

Obviously I have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day in particular and love in general. Let me say here categorically that I will choose love over chocolate covered cherries every time. The nuts- in love and chocolate I pretty much have to ask myself- "Why Choose?" and in most cases, in love and chocolate- I choose nuts. Let me also note that my life has been sweeter, and more fun, for having done so.

K sent me a note the other day. He reads USA Today on a daily basis. It's a flaw that always leaves me shaking my head in wonder as it truly is the Fisher-Price brand of newspapers. My guess is- he gets it for free, it's a quick read with coffee in the morning AND is only improved by spilling coffee on it as that rag has to be at least twice as absorbent as the NY Times. Be that as it may- he sent me excerpts from an article on a book called "Six Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak" by Smith Magazine. Here are some of the quotes are:


• I think it was the cassoulet. —Amy Ephron

• My life's accomplishments? Sanity, and you. —Elizabeth Gilbert

• They never seemed crazy at first. —Eric Heiman

• Wonder-filled, and never a dull torment. —Diane Ackerman

• He still needs me at sixty-four. —Armistead Maupin

It got me to thinking and I came up with a couple of my own.

• Creates a heart or breaks it.

• Is an afternoon or a lifetime.

• Takes everything, gives back more.

• Never happens the same way twice.

• Not illegal or immoral but fattening

And finally- the answers 49 years in the making, from Addie and Marcel- when I asked them what the secret was to living together for 49 years

She said: "One day at a time."

He said: "Ignore her"

OK it's seven words- but these guys have earned it.

Happy Valentine's Day.