The Trouble with Chocolate

I have a bone to pick with M&M/Mars. Two weeks ago I was seeking something...nice for VLH for Valentine's Day. I have a tendency to get crazy in the gift department and with the economy going the way it is I thought to stay..reasonable, for me.
Surely I could have baked something- a cake or pie- and I will make a card, as I love homemade Valentines and making them is actually more fun than shopping for them. But aside from the card- what? I saw the answer in of all places- Facebook. I clicked through a banner ad for M&M's.

M&M's will personalize a gift from you with photos. Smiling babes and smooching couples graced the front of the little candies. As I found out recently, H keeps a jar of these candies on his desk at work- I am certain for emergencies only- like Tuesdays. What a great, little, personal gift. The Mars company states on their site "tips" for personalizing your M&M's

MY M&M'S® Chocolate Candies deliver fun and a smile! So when designing your personalized MY M&M'S® experience, it is important to have fun. However, it must be tasteful and fun. And yes, we do have some rules that will help us deliver a product that we can all be proud of.

Do
Personalize
Use nice words
Be cheerful Have FUN
Be CREATIVE
Be romantic Use your own words
Share your beliefs
Be EXPRESSIVE

Don't
Please don't use objectionable words and phrases. No obscenities or inappropriate images. We don't want to leave a bad taste in anyone's mouth.

I had a nice picture. An ARTSY, romantic picture (seen above) and along with several ...words for the other 3 kinds of M&M's like...YOV, I made my choices and sent my order off to be processed. Friday night I got a call from the Mars Corporation.

"Miss Nerenberg? This is the M&M corporation. We are calling about your order. Let me tell you first that this call may be monitored for quality in service"

I knew something was up... no one ever records simple things like- "Did you mean "You" Instead of "YOV"?" (No, but this has been a problem before, thanks for asking...understandable..."

The modulated voice continued " We are not going to be able to print your order" she said pleasantly.

""Why?" I asked "Is there a production problem?"

"A-Hem" said the voice " Miss Nerenberg...the Mars Corporation is a FAMILY company."

It took me a minute.

"Ohhh. Is it because of the photo?" "Yes...she said...you know..." I was stunned "Lady" I sputtered" ...how do you think families get started in the first place?"

"Well," she replied huffily "- I'm not sure what you mean but...it's not something we can.." "HANG on a sec" I interrupted- "Would it help if I told you I swam in that outfit?" (I certainly had seen skimpier attire at the beach.) "Well...I don't know...she said.. I..um..." then she caught her breath "Well..It's not something you'd serve to children." She breathed a sigh of relief triumphantly feeling she had just protected American youth. "OK-I said, let's assume I am dating someone over 21 and ALSO assume that I am am also over that age myself as my credit card would surely indicate.."

"Miss Nerenberg"- she said rather coldly. "We can't print these for you- I'm sorry." "Well What am I supposed to DO?" I asked more to myself than to her. "Well do you have any photos with clothes on?" she asked cheerily. "Sure" I said- "but where's the fun in that?" I thanked her and got off the line.

I was crestfallen. I thought, as the instructions stated, that I was being creative and romantic. I certainly believe in beauty..and nice underwear. And, I believe DEEPLY that the only way to improve breasts in the eyes and hearts of males is to make them candy coated and cover them in chocolate. That and the "melts in your mouth" idea is a real winner...

Oh well. As Shakespeare said, probably having had similar problems getting theater owners to accept the steamy dialog in Romeo and Juliet (For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. ), to quote a Midsummer Night's Dream "The course of true love never did run smooth." I guess I'll just have to get some chocolate syrup and improvise-

Nothing says romance like Fox's U-Bet.

:P X