The End of a Paper Trail....

This is my 100th blogpost. (No applause please and for God's sake quit throwing paperclips!) I thought to myself, "Self...should be big, should be interesting... and maybe have a dog in it.." I couldn't find a dog. But this may be of interest-
I am leaving the big fantastic paper store after ten years.

For me this is huge. Aside from my relationship with my step mother, and my ex-husband, oh and my therapist (sorry Marc) I haven't had too many relationships (Syd, Mirm, Gab and Julie- you guys too) that lasted this long. Life in the big city can be, transient. It moves fast and change becomes a part of - well, waking up in the morning- as in am I a cowboy? a prepster? Emily the Strange? This makes for big piles of clothing in the middle of the floor and begs the question each evening "Who DID this??" And then the startling realization "Oh wait, I live alone." all the while checking to see if the cat grew thumbs (nope).

A wide range of things brought on the change- small company- big dreams. Large money hopes- small budget. And the nagging feeling that in this particular wading pool, I'd pretty much outlived most of the other fish. And without stretching for another aquatic metaphor- I'd done all the stuff I set out to do- and the wows were coming less and less.

So I sent out a resume and .. got a terrific new job on the very first interview. I know, I know- I maybe shoulda waited, maybe shoulda looked some more, but trust me- this one was a keeper and aside from an office space which makes every small room joke seem like an understatement (hunchbacked mice- key in lock breaks window- take your pick) it's pretty much tailor made for me. Like the suits I had to have altered because the stores don't think any woman is under 5'9"- if anyone has ANY suggestions for how to use 4 sets of 5" pant cuffs let me know- I saved them. And the new job is with ... well I'll save it a bit but I did have to look up what Horology meant- now you will too.

It's hard- really hard leaving the world of paper. A friend said I got real comfortable here and I did- it's nice to know whether it was NASA or the Princess of Thailand asking- as long as it was paper related- I had an answer. Nice to feel safe that way. And the challenges- when I came here I could not talk in front of groups of people- AT ALL. I had to hold a chair back when I spoke before the staff I was hired to supervise- so they wouldn't see me trembling head to foot- though I guess they heard it in my voice but- they were strangers then and perhaps thought I was channelling Kate Hepburn. Over the years here I had surgery to correct an eyelid droop that kept me from looking directly at people and I started to really connect, I was good at what I was doing and that gave me confidence. I loved what I was doing and what I was doing it with- the paper- the stationery- all the beautiful things that enriched MY life- like letter writing, crafting, gift wrapping or sending cards- I could help other people do that- and that was great. Then they set me loose in the world of marketing and pr for the company- I knew NOTHING about marketing- I was an ART major for Pete's sake- do I need to draw you a picture (I can you know..)? Take a crack at it they said- they'd fired my predecessor for wearing her pj's to work- how much worse could I do? I might mention that at this point in my career I was determined to dress to excess and wore a series of terribly short skirts to work- much to the chagrin of one of the older women on staff- a woman who I might mention had suffered from chronic depression brought on when they dropped a house on her sister. I once wandered into one of the fabulous paper store's retail locations on my day off in a particularly miniature kilt and tights and the aforementioned Witch of the Upper East Side spied me- she walked up to me and sneered "You have a hole in your tights, Miss" I said "I know". "Would you like me to tell you where..?" she asked evilly. I turned to her and said, smiling- "Listen, what I do with MY hole on MY day off is MY business." (unsaid ending- "so go kiss a flying monkey, sista.") She turned on one pointed black shoe and left in a huff of brimstone and liniment. Well- after being caught by last minute film crews once or thrice in less than... shall we say, TRADITIONAL business attire- I learned to keep a black turtleneck and slacks, if not ON, then at least handy.

And go on camera I did. MSNBC, CNN, Martha Stewart radio- talking to groups of 80, 100 people.. somewhere along the way I sort of GOT that this was just me talking to one person- all in a big bunch. And it became fun. I once bet a friend that I could get the press to say that the new colors for Christmas that year were Kiwi and Magenta (that's what we were showing- go figure). I did (I think it was "People Style Watch"...) And lo and behold it actually was (more avocado than kiwi but-it was a hoot nonetheless) I was listed as an style expert along with one of the fellows from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy- boy, was I proud. And it was all fun. And somewhere along the way, with all the people who actually listened to me- took me seriously- I grew up. And I believed it- just a little- not that I was any real expert or artiste-but that here in my tiny niche- I'd carved out a little space that was uniquely mine-and when Diane Sawyer needed an origami bunny- I hooked her up. And it never stopped being fun, until I realized it was too easy. Short of hemline was ok- but short of challenges... not so much fun.

So I looked outside- and there was a whole world of new things I could get to be good at- and learn- and achieve. And the ephemera gods handed me a doozy. And though I will miss EVERYONE at the fantastic paper store, I won't forget what I learned- or any of them. I couldn't have done it without all of you to practice on.

So the new gig starts in September.

My new boss e-mailed to let me know my business cards are ready, as well as e-mail, Treo, Laptop, and phone extension- which he says puts me two weeks ahead of the usual new hire. He ain't seen nothin yet...

:) X