Be My Valentine

"The heart isn't heart-shaped, that's one of our problems."

Julian Barnes

I'm late. Not for Valentine's Day of course- with eight days to go I have oodles of time to write this- but I can't. Maybe it's my all-too-many years in retail where Valentine season begins on January 2nd- never too early to instill fear in the heart of every male who thinks he might have missed it. But I have SUCH a backlog of things I want to write- about how I fell for the antique cars at Barrett Jackson or that Las Vegas was more than tits- not a whole LOT more, and maybe they were the highlight of my trip but there are still a few thoughts kicking around I'd like expressed. And then there is getting ready for Hawaii though I cannot imagine writing about it- just the research has led me to the extremely STRONG opinion the Hawaiians rely much too heavily on vowels and I can't spell a damned thing. Programming the Garmin down there is going to be a hoot, I feel it coming.

But the heart is on my mind. And Valentine cards, as I have not made mine yet. I try to make mine. And if I don't- I don't sent store bought ones- I just sulk. I am hoping in all the busy-ness to at least pull out the red paper and glitter and remind a couple of my closest friends I love them. I made a bunch last year and didn't send one 'til July- I was mad at the person- that didn't mean I didn't love them. And love is one of those things that keeps.

A few Valentine facts

Every year around 1 billion Valentine cards are sent. After Christmas it’s a single largest seasonal card-sending occasion.

Teachers receive the most Valentine's Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then, sweethearts. Children between ages 6 to 10 exchange more than 650 million Valentine's cards with teachers, classmates, and family members.

The second fact... teachers get more Valentines than anyone. This, along with summers off may be the reason folks BECOME teachers- it certainly can't be the pay. And children are the largest group of card givers-and most of them don't even have their own money! Anatomy says that a child's heart is actually much larger than an adult's- 1/130th of their body weight as opposed to 1/300th in an adult. And the heart is the first organ to develop in the embryo. This isn't really a surprise. Remember the box in the front of the classroom for Valentine's day? You gave a Valentine to EVERYONE, but didn't sign the one you gave to the person you truly wanted for your Valentine. I didn't anyway. Joey Tormey if you are reading this- Valentine circa 1972- that was me. Forgive the peanut butter kiss marks- my mom always hid the lipstick.

"Let's start at the beginning. Love Makes you happy? No. Love makes the person you love happy? No. Love makes everything all right? Indeed no. I used to believe all this of course. Who hasn't? (Who doesn't still, somewhere below decks in the psyche)? It's in all our books, our films; its the sunset of a thousand stories. What would love be for if it didn't solve everything? Surely we can deduce from the very strength of our aspiration that love, once achieved, eases the daily ache, works some effortless analgesia?"

Julian Barnes

Saint Valentine was a felon imprisoned under Claudius the 2nd for secretly marrying young men and women when the emperor forbade it. His letters to his niece were signed "your Valentine". He died for love. I wonder how he would feel about a 70% divorce rate. I don't think he would change much. He'd want them to at least try- to take that leap for love- even if two people are only that brave for one moment, it is a moment is worth celebrating.

Two Valentine's Days stand out for me. When I was oh so young my then special person MADE me a Valentine, each year for the seven we'd been together. I do not know if it was that we had no money- or that we'd both gone to art school- I choose to think it was because that made it special. And real. He proposed one Valentine morning by taping a white ring box to the top of my Kermit the Frog alarm clock so I couldn't slap the snooze button, as was my daily custom. I remember looking only at the box and then turning to look at him lying still on his pillow-his eyes wide open and a bit scared- "will you?" he asked. I hadn't even opened the box. I can't remember what I said but it must've been something like "yes" because we married that June.

The Valentine's Day I was six is still clear- I got the first heart shaped box of chocolates of my own. It was red foil and held eight pieces of Whitman's chocolates in tightly pleated little brown waxed paper cups. The cover of the box read "Be My Valentine" in gold letters and it was from my dad. I'd like to say that I treasured it and would not touch it but the truth is... I kept the box for years- I doubt the chocolates lasted an hour. I am certain I didn't share. And just as certain that year that I had the best Valentine, my dad, and that he loved me.

I would like to say that we lived happily ever after- but I think I knew there was a change when my Valentine came from a store one year. Or say that I get chocolates from my dad, but he hasn't been around for quite some time. In both cases- I wouldn't change the past- or have missed those moments, especially if I knew the future. Some memories are precious and perfect just as they are.

"And so it is with love. We must believe in it or we are lost. We may not obtain it and find it renders us unhappy; we must still believe in it. If we don't then we merely surrender to the history of the world and to someone else's truth." Julian Barnes

So I'm getting out the red paper, and the deckle scissors, some glitter and rhinestones and whatever inspiration the back-to- school aisle at the Duane Reade offers up. I have my work cut out for me.

"What will survive of us is love." Philip Larkin