The OTHER PDA

Photo: Gerald Förster

NY Magazine ran an article this week about PDA's. Nope not the ubiquitous Blackberry that seems to make it's way onto the table on my dates that absolutely are doomed to fail (If we need electronic devices this early on- the text message is on the device... "T_H_I_S_ I_S_N_T Q_U_I_T_E W_H_A_T I_D H_O_P_E_D F_O_R")

PDA's are public displays of affection. The article went on about one fellow who wanted to have sex in front of the entire UN Assembly; as if our own goverment's behavior is not obscene enough in the view of the rest of the world.

I like being affectionate in public- I am, by nature an affectionate person. I like to hug, hold hands and kiss loudly in public- and that's just with my female friends. I have dated in NYC through a fair bit of my 30's and 40's and am, in theory, old enough to have developed a sense of decorum in public. It hasn't actually happened, at least not in Manhattan. I am certainly not of a similar mindset to the pornographic wanna-be delegate referenced above but I do really like a kiss that goes on a little too long in public. On the other hand I am also not an exhibitionist nor a particularly un-shy kind of person. I don't think it is me- it's NYC.

I have had the opportunity to date in other cities- San Francisco, Detroit, bits of Connecticut- it's different. Perhaps there is just less to SEE- I would think that being among strangers I would feel more free. After all, when am I going to run into that lady in the big hat in Detroit that saw me swipe a kiss behind the romantic movie section at the Blockbuster- chances are slim.. But outside of NYC I am pretty much a girl scout. Maybe it's like the rules my mom set for visiting other people's houses- elbows off the table, don't set fire to the drapes and if you love me, please don't stick your chewed gum under Grandma's Chesterfield chair.

I live in NY and I tried to think why it is different for me here. After all here, having worked in retail for more than half my life in Manhattan- I have met a lot of folks just casually and frequently will pass a person and think.. do I KNOW you? In these cases I picture myself saying "can I help you?" If that doesnt bring up a memory I try picturing them reading me a menu- waiter- customer- you meet a lot of people in NYC that way.

In order to survive in NYC you have to be incredibly alert and sort of filter at the same time. For example, sit on a subway car 3 am reading a book, listening to the iPod and still be aware of anyone that moves within 2 feet of your personal space. Easy. I have a friend who says that NY exhausts her- that you always have to be alert- you do- just not ALL of you. Part of you could be writing the next great American Novel on the N train while your hand is on the pepper spray- it's just a matter of multi-tasking.

As far as public semi-licentiousness is concerned, I think a lot of New Yorkers are like me, we block out things to survive. It is absolutely essential to choose how much you process. The noise- lights, traffic, and I have already covered the smells. You see what you need to, to get through it, from point A to Avenue B. There are hard things to see- people impoverished or ill- you help where you can . I know for me, seeing a couple kissing, holding hands, or somehow draped over each other in an absolutely irresistable orgy of affection is actually a good thing. Lots of times they are very young, but sometimes, they are very old, and seeing them makes me happy, seeing that love lasts that long. Sometimes they are in their fourties and among the street people, and the haste, and the steam from the sidewalk vents they found each other- by some miracle. And I do not imagine this is a hook-up continued from some bar, or as the article in NY magazine postulated- one of the 85% of relationships that end once the thrill of discovery in public is removed. I believe, from the soles of my feet to the top of my head this couple beat the statistics and all the distractions and can't wait to be together.

I read a quote once attributed to Mrs. Patrick Campbell " I don't mind where people make love, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses." The next time you see someone kissing in public- sneak a peek if you like- but give them the room to do so- love grows like flowers in NYC, occasionally in an inconvenient place and against all odds.

:) X