Cyber-phood

Programmable Soda - . IPIFINI's Choice-Enabled Packaging Programmable Liquid Containers use buttons on the container's surface that release additives (flavors, colorants, fragrances...etc) into the liquid. These additive buttons let the consumer choose different versions right at the point of consumption. A programmable cola bottle with buttons for lemon, lime, vanilla, and cherry flavors as well as a caffeine button allows for 32 possible choices of soda.

That is a good idea... but, then there's this:

I received an e-mail today- the second in a week actually, about a new breed of products. Nutraceuticals: phood and bepherages. What is it? You will regret asking. Juices that strengthen joints, sodas that soften skin, yogurt that lowers cholesterol and (my favorite) METH coffee that is labelled as "the original strong shit" and offering "Shamanic Visions". Wow- enlightenment AND caffeine shakes- give me 3!

In addition, Coke and L'Oreal have created a beverage together- When I read the headline on this article I wondered- maybe a soda that SMELLS good- or perhaps comes in a spray can? Nope. Its called Lumae and according to Brandweek:

Lumaé is expected to target active, influential, image-conscious women over the age of 25 who embrace health and wellness. Coke is interested in marketing and distributing Lumaé like a beauty brand instead of a soft drink. Early plans call for distribution in Saks Fifth Avenue (instead of Coke's usual venues, like 7-Eleven).

I have issues with this- from the ground up:

A. why are there no products every made for sluggish, ineffectual women over 40 who are image-oblivious and do not give a wet slap what they look like and eschew the healthy lifestyle to drink something that does not TASTE like shampoo?

B. If you are making a beauty beverage why NOT send it to 7-11? Bring it where it is needed! I have seen myself reflected in the glass doors of the dairy fridge when I need an emergency quart of milk - bag of cheetos- piece of jerky (my cat likes jerky- really.) and you could sell me on anything that made me look better under those florescent lights in sweat pants at 3 am. L'Oreal- the women in Sak's look just fine-bring it to the masses, please. I have also read about plans to bring this product to Sephora. Anyone visiting that store and observing the shoppers there know- promise of youth and beauty or not- these women shop INSTEAD of eating. It would take carbon dating on their very apparent bones to figure out at what point exactly any of them ate anything more nutritious than an Evian water.

Oh and from the Far East I even more compelling news (from the same Brandweek article):

Such nutraceutical products are already popular overseas. In Japan, for example, Coke has launched several entries including Love Body, which it claims not only burns calories, but contains an ingredient rumored to increase bust size.

What happens if guys drink it? It was just my 1st question... there are many more. All of them worse. And RUMORED? Is this a new marketing ploy- the rumor... they must hire 15 year old girls with tissue stuffed bras (since the advent of the water bra does anyone bother stuffing?) to tell their friends how it changed their lives? The school yard must be a very interesting place indeed these days- not only can you learn what breasts are for (well this is where I got my first info) but you can actually get them, in the soda fridge.

The good news is that science is actually sitting up and waggling a finger at the shameless mega-corporations who prey on the aging boomers (from Business Week.com):

But clearly, shoppers in the supermarket would rather buy a product that proclaims it can reduce cholesterol, boost energy, and keep heart disease at bay. For instance, Unilever claims that the 2 grams of plant sterols contained in each Promise Activ Supershot are backed by some serious research. Plant sterols are essential components of cell membranes in many fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and legumes. In recent years, studies have shown consistently that plant sterols reduce cholesterol.

Unilever points to 150 clinical studies showing that 2 grams of plant sterols a day can reduce cholesterol levels by 15%. "It would take about 1,000 pounds of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, soy, nuts, and oats to get the necessary 2 grams of plant sterols for effective cholesterol reduction," says Mike Bauer, vice-president and general manager for spreads, dressings, and beverages at Englewood Cliffs, [N.J.]-based Unilever.

Bauer also believes that Nestle's argument about one nutrient doesn't apply to plant sterols because "they are fairly unique because they have been clinically proven to have a specific end benefit in so many studies."

That's why Unilever is betting that many people trying to trim their cholesterol will opt for a 3 oz. shot of yogurt instead of trying to down 1,000 pounds of fruits and vegetables. And even if research shows otherwise, the sophistication of these super-enhanced foods and drinks represents a huge competitive lure for plain old food.


(sigh) Plain old food.. that is some of my favorite stuff...I miss the days when carrots helped your eyes, spinach made you strong and 7 glasses of water made your skin clear and your eyes bright. When we moved ourselves around enough to keep cholesterol at bay and lived a reasonable amount of time, wrinkling and graying and softening in a way that perhaps was not so pretty as when we were young- but infinitely more huggable. And drinking a plain old Coke- or an icy glass of water and watching life and yourself moving through it. That's got to be better for you, especially for your heart.