Life with BOB

I work in cubicle. It has a nice view of the East River and Hoboken beyond (which, for a view of New Jersey is not half bad) and the train yards leading into Penn Station. But the walls do not go all the way up to the ceiling and my little cell is padded with a gray woven material which defies personalization- I have tried everything from push pins and masking tape to duct tape and roofing nails- nothing stays. It is like some Orwellian ideal of the perfect, neat work environment. It was pretty sterile, aside from the toys on my shelves and a fair bit of dust, and Starbuck's rings marring the otherwise pristine faux wood formica. I say was because today BOB moved in.

BOB is a little egg-shaped bobbling clock that was given to me as a "there was no occasion I just wanted to give you a present" present. I like those. It's just part of the world view I like to take in moments of fantasy where I am some minor diety who is worshipped in the form of lots and lots of little gifts. Nothing fancy- unless you feel compelled, then all bets are off. But I like BOB. When I opened the box BOB came in he seemed to nestle in my hand- about the size of a duck egg except silver the way duck eggs generally aren't. There is a kind of flat-ish bottom that allows BOB to rock but not roll in a sort of jolly way. There is a hole in the front of the egg a little window where I think of BOB's face as being. For the time- it flashes blue, for the temperature red, in Celcius (BOB is very cosmopolitan) fuchsia and green- for I do not know what...
and every time the color changes- BOB peeps. The colors change pretty often- but not at any REGULAR interval. It was friendly sounding to me- reminded me I had gotten a present,,, etc

It was friendly. For awhile.

11 am: All the other office denizens have stopped by and admired BOB- cradled him or given him a little shove to watch the colors change. Each one asked the same thing... " does it always beep like that?" I shrugged and said "So far..." and went back to work.

12:00 I make BOB a bow tie out of a post-it. My office has a dress code...

1:00 pm: Folks are leaving for lunch- no one has stopped by for the customary- "Need anything I'm going out" or anything...

3:30 pm: The young lady sitting next to me had headphones on- LOUD

3:45 pm: The younger lady at the end of the cubicles yelled- "does that THING take a BREAK?" I had no IDEA this was getting to some people...

4:15 pm: I wanted to spare the rest of the residents of cubicleville any further angst, so I looked at BOB's manual. There were battery precautions and clock precautions but nothing about thwarting office insurrection. It did say to keep BOB away from the microwave... I think maybe eggs are sensitive to places where they might explode (I have done this- the little egg pieces never quite come off the door)

5:00 pm: People leave. No one says good bye but more than one bumped my chair as they left- that's kind of a good-bye- right?

By 6:30 I still had not found how to make the peeping stop. I did read that BOB didn't like abrasive cleaners and liked being wiped with a soft cloth (so far BOB and I have a fair amount in common- I make a lot of noise and like a soft cloth as opposed to... sandpaper, too)


Tuesday morning I came in with my coffee and went to sit at my desk. As I switched on my computer I noticed..
BOB was lying in his side his bottom had been twisted off (eeek dismemberment) and his bow tie almost a foot away.

There was a post-it note with a little arrow drawn on it stuck inside BOB's top half next to a little switch that said MODE. ON/OFF.

BOB was silent. And brave.

No one has fessed up. The office girls like BOB well enough now- and will give him a little shove to watch him wobble as they lean over my desk for one thing or another. But no more peeps unless I squish him a little at the back where the > button is.
And watch everyone tense.

:) X