Velveeta Fudge rides again

It was Friday and on Fridays I read the Wall Street Journal. It's their fluffiest day of the week- a guarantee of a little diversion from the war, descending housing starts and the fate of the Nikkei. And there it was- the perfect diversion. A story on the success of amateur cookbooks- books put together of real "home-cooking". The kind of things most of us born in the time when watching fat meant making sure the Fry Daddy didn't boil over, were raised on. Tuna Noodle Casserole. Turkey Tetrazzini. Nilla Wafer Banana Pudding. Tomato Soup Cake. These cookbooks feature recipes like Potluck Weiner Bake and Cheery Cheese Balls. These are the kinds of recipes my grandmother would have referred to as "fancy-schmancy". Many of them feature one of 2 Universal Binding Ingredients- Campbells Soup (Cream of Mushroom, Cream of Celery or in the case of the cake, Tomato) or Velveeta.

I took a look online. Velveeta has a MAJOR following. A page on Myspace. Spawned bands like Velveeta Jones and The Velveeta Underground. Even poetry:

We don't know how it was done,
'cause Velveeta doesn't spoil. (Not even in the sun!)
Those folks at Kraft are clever, they've really got it made
with cheese that doesn't ... biodegrade.

One woman went online because her problem was she had received a gift (what the occasion was I have no idea perhaps National Lactose Intolerance Day? Eat Something Orange Week? ) of 30 lbs of Velveeta- she wanted to know if she could freeze it.

"If it is still in its original vacuum packed packages, it does not need refrigeration. It NEVER dies. If you notice on grocery store shelves it is with the Parmesan and unrefrigerated cheese products."

I can't imagine why the catch phrase "the cheese that never dies" was never picked up by Kraft- it's a winner.

There is even a story - The Velveeta Rabbit ... ok STOP GROANING- here is an excerpt (for the whole sticky mess go to http://tsa.transform.to/misc/velveetarabbit.html)

"I am the kitchen magic Cow," she said. "I take care of all the dairy products that the children have loved. Needless to say, this is the first job I've ever had. But I take them away and turn them Real."

"Wasn't I Real cheese before?" asked the little Rabbit.

"You were Real to the Boy," the Cow said, "and Real Disgusting to everyone else


Then there was something I'd read about in the WSJ that I had once at summer camp. Velveeta Fudge. Brillat Savarin said "hunger is the best sauce." He must have attended a Jewish summer camp. Eight weeks of food that began life in really big tins and just got worse. And it was kosher, too. NOT a good combination. We were starved. Kind of. The canteen didn't open until after dinner.


Velveeta Fudge

1/2 lb. Velveeta cheese

1/2 lb. margarine

Melt cheese and margarine in Micro Wave ( not the highest setting). Make sure it is melted...

SIFT:

2 lbs. powered sugar

1/2 Cup Cocoa powder

Pour the cheese/margarine over the sifted ingredients and stir, stir, stir

ADD:

1 Tbs. Vanilla

1 Cup walnuts...I add more nuts

POUR: onto greased cookie sheet and cool. Cut into squares and freeze!

The WSJ got a bit prissy after mentioning this recipe. Citing that most of these home cook recipes were "more home-style than haute" and "bad for you, high in sodium and overly reliant on processed foods". But I remember these meals and the fact that one dish meant my mom could sit outside with her friends and watch us roller skate back and forth in front of our house until it got too dark. I don't really remember the cooking- I do not have memories that begin with "remember when Mother sauteed the medallions of veal and served them with a balsamic reduction?" But I still have a little scar on my knee from when I tried to skate like an ice skater on one roller skate showing off for my mom. The move was not quite as spectacular as I envisioned. But she was there to see it, my dad too, because there weren't a lot of dishes to do- it was Tuna Croquettes Night.