The Circle of Friends

Mel and Syd Coney Island Fall 1982 by Paul Coltoff

"Every book is, in an intimate sense, a circular letter to the friends of him who writes it. They alone take his meaning; they find private messages, assurances of love, and expressions of gratitude, dropped for them in every corner." R.L. Stevenson

I like my whole name. Melanie. Not Mel- not Melody, or Melonie- Melonius (as my friend Norris will call me) or Melvin- (a favorite taunt from my sister which gets me EVERY time) or Melly (with special dispensation for Skye because... he's too cute for me to mess with) or my friend Spud's kids who call me Miss Mel...

For every rule there are exceptions. My feeling is IF you have rules- you need a really good reason to bend them. There are 4 people who have earned the right to call me Mel. Gaby, Miriam, Julie and my best friend Syd. These women have been through it all with me- my wedding, my mother's funeral, my divorce, their weddings. Miriam, Julie and Gaby live close enough by that if I choose to, I can get to them without the help of the Travelocity gnome. Syd has always lived FAR. We met at Camp Ella Fohs in the Summer of 1980- I was 20- Syd's a year or two younger. For 3 months we spent days and nights together- and the friendship was formed. Syd's name is Cindy- but I have never called her that- my sister's name is Cindee and the name just seemed wrong at the time. She became Syd that summer and it stuck, she has always been Syd to me.

At the end of that summer Syd went home to the heart wrenching news of the divorce of her parents and a rocky relationship at college. At 20 I was kind of settled- a solid relationship, last year of college and no real troubles. Syd would visit from Cueymans, NY and we'd run together- a week or a weekend or a New Year's eve night trying to survive my mom's olive and cheez-whiz hors d'oeuvres and falling asleep under the dining room table- waking early to play volleyball in the middle of the street like we were 12. Looking back at that time we were...compared to now.

As I said over the years we got together when we could- when I got married Syd not only made her own maid of honor dress but planted her size 5 foot on my backside and pushed me out the door to my own wedding when I froze at the doorway. Julie was singing "I'll be there" accompanying herself on the guitar but by the 3rd chorus Julie was not quite so certain I would be there- Syd made sure I was.

At Syd's wedding I found out something I never knew. It was the rehearsal dinner and people from both families made speeches about the bride and groom and then someone- I think it was either Henry's mom or dad said- and "now we will hear from Cindy's best friend, Melanie". We'd never said it out loud- but there it was- Syd's sister Cheryl got the maid of honor position (and the accompanying "1 wearing only" dress) but I got a title I'd held for years and never realized. As I stood up- I cleared my throat and said, very seriously "There are so many things I could tell you about my best friend, Syd" and a wicked smile crept across my lips; "But I won't." And sat down. That night a mystique was born as to what exactly I know about Syd- and what she might REALLY be like, that survives to this day. Her husband believes when she visits here that we spend all night carousing with someone named "Raoul". That is perfectly true. I will never say otherwise.

Syd's first child Nicola was born almost to the day that my marriage ended. The sadness of that time is twined forever in my mind with going to Baltimore to paint Winnie the Pooh over Nikki's crib, and Tigger and Piglet by the river and a tall chestnut tree in the corner over the chair where Syd nursed Nikki and rocked her to sleep. Literally I painted my heart out in that room - and Syd let me- helped me to find joy through those hard days- and even after I went home to a now-single household, I was comforted thinking that Nikki woke and opened her beautiful eyes to my love on those walls.

Nicola and I have inherited a special relationship that grew out of the fact that- to an extent, Syd had to buckle down and be a mom and a good example to her kids. Being single, and relatively far away- it has fallen to me to be the bad influence and wild child example for Nikki. I am proud to say I was the first one to slip her ketchup on a french fry at 6 months. Syd still blames me for Nic's junk food and ketchup addiction. I still remember the day Syd called to tell me Nicola at two years of age had pitched a fit in the car because Syd did not order her fries at a drive thru. After all, it was a bank drive thru.

I have taught Nikki to whine, and helped her stand in her 1st pair of high heels. I am proud she is growing up to be the thorn in her mom's side that Syd was to her own mom... Keep it up Nic- I'm proud of you.

We have a million stories. My life would have been very different without Syd in my life. Bailing me out financially when my bake shop was failing, telling me after my divorce that my skirts were too damned short, supporting me through too many guys who, according to Syd, were- too old, too flawed or just not good enough for her best friend. Of course she thought that- we still have Raoul.

She is reading this. She stops by my blog most every day about 9:25 am- I look and see Hinsdale, IL and I know it is her. She never leaves a comment or says anything- she is just there. I hope she knows I am there for her too. There are a lot of miles between us but it's nothing really, compared to what is truly between us. Our whole lives and the places we have touched each other. Though I don't say it often enough, I love you, Syd.




Mel and Syd Trinity Church Spring 2006 by Nicola Brown

:) X