I live in a Crazy World

The title of this entry comes from the diary of Anne Frank. If Sei Shonagon is a current influence, Anne Frank got me started. I could not have been more than nine or ten when I read her diary and began writing on my own. There was an awful lot going on through my childhood and adolescence- in truth I don't know anyone who would describe their past as "uneventful"- even if it were true- who would cop to that? But growing up, knowing that my crazy world was not so different than Anne's- and in most ways incredibly better, made it bearable. And her writing of her pain, her fears and her hopes- inspired me to express my thoughts- to find words for feelings and when my own words were not enough- to learn new ones and to develop a way of expressing myself that to this day is a gift. I hadn't written anything beyond business documents or letters to friends in over twenty years- this blog reintroduced me to that challenge- and that joy. To find ways to share my world with others, to say things I might otherwise have been silent about- to express, love and joy and sorrow and excitement and commune with loved ones near and far, even ones I have not yet met.

Up until recently the "notebook" has been visited by my friends and family and the occasional websurfer. All have been lovely, friendly and supportive- BOB and I even get fan mail. In the past day or so there has been reason to wonder if such a public forum is wise- so much can be twisted. I looked inside myself and the feeling I have is if you spend your time digging for dirt- you ultimately wind up covered in it. But if the sensation of such paranoid scrutiny was unpleasant- once again the voice of Anne Frank reassured me

"...finally I twist my heart round again, so that the bad is on the outside and the good is on the inside, and keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to be, and could be...

The absolute torrent of good feeling bonhomie and sharing that writing this blog daily brings trumps any minimal discomfort by many miles. In the end it's all about love- for my world and the people, things and events of which it is comprised. It's still crazy but it's mine. In the end I feel parented by a 15 year old girl..

"all children must look after their own upbringing. Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. Anne Frank


Thanks Anne- I, my words, my friends- are in good hands.
I'll keep writing- you keep visting- and hopefully all who come here will become what they would so like to be- and could be.

:) X